Hosting Thanksgiving?

Yikes.

Yes, we are going to give this a shot.

No, I have never cooked a turkey and the thought is scaring me just a little.

I'm all over Pinterest trying to find some good ideas.

When am I going to have time to do this?

Oh crap.

Thank you Vets!

Today, I recognize all the Veteran's out there. Past and present, living and dead. Thank you! The courage and selflessness are truly admirable. So again, THANK YOU.

I have one Veteran near and dear to my heart, my younger brother Jason.

Jason enlisted in the Army in August 2001 at the tender age of 17 under the delayed entry program. I had mixed feelings when he enlisted. I was proud, scared, nervous and excited for the journey he promised to take. We didn't come from a huge military family. He had never mentioned before that he was even thinking of doing this. As far as I knew, he wanted to go to college. In fact, I tried talking him out of doing this. Pleaded with him. Our family had always just been there. No one ever moved away. We all made it to every holiday, birthday party or family function.

Then came that horrible, horrible day we all know as 9/11. I was glued to the television just like the rest of the country, uncertain how this would affect my brother.

July 2002, the day after he turned 18, he was on his way to Boot Camp. Alone, to embark on this new journey not knowing a single soul. We didn't hear much from him while at Boot Camp, he sent a few letters but that was pretty much all that was allowed. I thought it sounded awful, he seemed to be proud and dare I say enjoying it.

He ended up going into the 101st Airborne Division at Fort Campbell, KY. I remember him calling me and telling me the history behind this group. He was proud to join them. I was proud of him.

Thanksgiving and Christmas were different. Jason was missing. It was weird, it felt hollow.

Then he got his orders. He was being sent to war. 6 months after my baby brother joined the military, he was going to war. Something I never thought I would ever have to say or think about in my lifetime. He asked if I could drive down and bring home some of his personal belongings since he didn't know when he would be back. I would also be able to watch his Air Assault Graduation. So, early February 2003, I made the drive down to do just that. The Air Assault Graduation wasn't quite what I had pictured. They were supposed to be jumping out of helicopters, but all of the helicopters were in transit to the Middle East. Everyday, supplies by the truckload were on their way out of our country, far away.

I spent that long weekend, driving around the military base, spending time with my brother. I asked him why the dirt was red in KY, he laughed and said he wondered the same thing. I remember there was an ice storm that was supposed to come. The whole city shut down, because of  the possibility of a storm? Being from MN, never having anything shut down, ever, we laughed. He stayed in the hotel room with me. We talked, we laughed, we didn't talk about what was to come. A couple of nights, he woke up screaming. Nightmares. This broke my heart. Why did this have to happen? Why. He just put on the brave face for me, never letting on any insecurities he may or may not have had. I remember us going to get breakfast and he was in uniform. The waitress comped his meal and told him God Bless.

I remember him showing me his chemical warfare gear. I had no clue what that even meant. He explained and put on the mask. Holy crap. This happens? This is happening.

I asked him what if I just took him home? Now. Tell them you changed your mind. Please. Please. Please. He explained he would then face charges and be sent to prison so that was out of the question. I just had to pray to God, that my brother would make it home alive.

Two weeks later he was gone. No way to tell where exactly. No phone number to call him at. Just hope. Hope that he was ok. Hope that he would be ok tomorrow, next week, next year.

I watched CNN all the time. The war was consuming my life, my families life. I would talk to my Mom many times a day, asking if she had heard from him. No word. My Grandma would call me at work with updates. We watched for any sign of my brother. We figured out most of the troops were in Kuwait. Thousands. March 2003, came the attack at Camp Pennsylvania in Kuwait. At first, the news outlets were saying they were being attacked, the sirens were going off - the chemical warfare sirens. My mind ran wild. I was sick to my stomach. The feeling is helpless. How do you go to sleep at night, knowing that your brother is being attacked? Bombed. Shot at. Turns out that attack was by a U.S. solider. Throwing grenades at his own troops.

Then came Shock and Awe. It was like living a nightmare. Soldiers were dying. My Brother was right there in the middle of it.

He called home when he could. When he found cell phones in the bombed buildings he was searching. We knew he was in Iraq. He would write letters. Telling us how sad it is to see people walking miles with just their clothes on their back. All they had. He felt sorry for the people. To have to call that place home.

At some point the tone of the letters changed. The kids who used to run after them, hugging them, taking candy were now shooting at them. They would wave flags at them, then drop them and start shooting. He had a can shot out of his hand. He had to watch for road side bombs.

Months went by, we got word that he would be able to come home from Iraq before Christmas. Then have to go back to that war torn country. I was so happy to see him. To have him home, alive if even for a few days. He didn't talk much about bodies, or bullets. He seemed the same but different. I couldn't quite pin point it. Something was off. He wasn't the same. Then again, how could you ever come back the same person after seeing that. How do you return to "normal" life.

You don't. That "normal" isn't the same. You see things much differently.

While he was home with us on leave, Saddam Hussein was captured - it was December 13, 2003. We celebrated, we hoped this would end this war. We hoped he would be home soon. He didn't think it would quite work that way. He still had to report back - to Iraq. Where there was very much still a war going on. His friends, his other family.  We had to say good bye again. He was eager to get back to his brothers. He felt bad even coming home at all.

He came out of Iraq once again, alive. Which is more than thousands of other Soldier's - who did not have the same fate. I watched and wept for those who did not come home. For the Mother's, Father's, Wives, Husbands, Brother's, Sister's, Children and Grandparent's who would never see their Solider again.

Many years later, my Brother home safe, out of active duty, I still weep. I weep for the dead, also for those quite alive - who are forever changed. I weep for the families who send-off, for families who welcome home. I weep for those affected by PTSD and hope for healing.

Freedom is never free. ~Author Unknown

Share Your World, Thursday

This week has been crazy town for me. 

Example #1:

I some how managed to post my response to Carolyn's blog as a blog post. No idea I did that until I got the following google chat....(no worries I deleted said response, should have kept it up though. We all need to laugh at ourselves right?)

carolyn: um....

you somehow posted your comment on my blog to your blog

LOL

Dottie: wahhh

haha

Dottie: is it a new post?

carolyn: yeah

it's on your blog

and not in my commetns

Dottie: wtf

haha

hahaah

this is really funny

carolyn: BAHAHAHAHA

Me needs the weekend STAT.

Moving on...

Linking up with the very sweet Jessica over at Stilettos & a Fishing Pole.  Annnnd it goes a lil something like this:

1. What style do you tend to lean towards when decorating your home?

Modern. Sometimes too modern for my own liking. Take for example my gray walls in the living room. I now want them much lighter, maybe a beige. My Husband cringes whenever I suggest such changes. Love you babe!

2. I never leave the house without...

Thinking "did I lock the door?" It's like a fear almost. 

Me: I know I did, well pretty sure I did. Wait. Maybe I didn't. Shoot. Better go check. (Enter thoughts of robbers waiting for me ready to chop me up and take my coin collection.)

P.S. I do not have a coin collection, but I guess I thought it sounded funny? What else are the robbers going to take? The TV? Boring.

3. I love to pamper myself by...

Pedicure, massage, hair did, throw in some shopping that doesn't include Boogie Wipes, diapers, tampons or food.  Oh yeah, that glass of CHARDONNAY. A nice long bath that does not include constant banging on the bathroom door from my very sweet baby boy. I'm not picky. Any of those will do.

Fill in the Blank Friday!

Linking up with Lauren for Fill in the Blank Friday!

1.   My favorite thing about this week was/is  Halloween! There is nothing like the excitement that kids have waking up the morning of a holiday and Halloween was no exception. Making memories ya'll.  Oh. Another favorite thing, getting my pillow from SugarBoo Designs that I won from PB&J Stories giveaway! Pretty much rocks my socks off. Thanks Pamela for doing this awesome giveway! 


Since I've already shown pics of my kiddos all dressed up, here's the pillow. I promise you it's perfect!

and the perfect spot for it to go, under my new picture wall:

2.   Colder weather makes me want to move to warmer weather even more. Do you hear that snow gods? If you want me to be happy, stay away. Pretty please?! I am really not looking forward to my winter commute that consists of an hour to hour and half on the road to go 8 measly miles. Yes, I just said "measly". 


3.  Three things that make me terribly happy as of late are quality family time, at least 8 hours of sleep and Jalapeno Popper Dip. What can I say? I'm a simple girl. 

4. If I could only wear one kind of shoe for the rest of my life, I'd choose ballet flats.  Never thought in a million years I'd say that. I used to HATE flats. Heels only. I guess with age comes comfort. Crap, I sound middle aged. I promise you, I'm 32. 


5.  My personality type is  I had to google this. But discovered... ESFJ (Extravert, Sensor, Feeler, Judger). I understand if this means nothing to anyone. Ha!


6.  I have a serious problem resisting snacks of any type. Sweet, salty you name it. I also cannot turn down this question "would you like a glass of wine?" 


7.  My favorite color to wear is black, black and black.




Have a great weekend girls!!!

Share Your World, Thursday!

I was so excited to do this link up when Jessica over at Stilettos & a fishing pole came up with this! Thanks girl!

So ready or not...

1. Go back five years, would you have pictured your life as it is now or would it have been different?  If so, how or why?

2006. Seems like an entire lifetime away for me. I had a 9 year old little girl and a 2 year old little girl. I was 27 years old and miserable in my marriage desperate for a way out. I had previously been working part time, so I could spend as much time with my girls as possible. I loved that I could do that -spend so much time with them, I will forever cherish those memories. But, I had to think about my future. Our future. Taking my first step on the very bumpy road that would become my life, I got a full time job. (I knew if I were ever wanted to really get out of that relationship, with my girls, I needed more money and a full time job to support us.) So I did just that. I got a full time job and began to plan out in my head how I would make my dream a reality. Don't get me wrong. I was not being beat up every day but this was definitely not a healthy relationship. I despised him. I made him sleep on the couch or would have the girls sleep with me so he would have to sleep there. There is so much more I could say that would take me forever. Just know it was not an ideal relationship and I did not want my kids to grow up with such memories.

I had always dreamed of having "Mr. Right" come into my life and my girls too. It seemed so distant and impossible at the time. But, it came true. It took alot of work, sweat, tears and of course good friends, but I made it happen. I am now married to the love of my life. I wouldn't want it any other way. Whoa, loaded question much?!


2. In a perfect world with no attachments, my career would be...
Attending to my family. Yes, I would love to be at home with my kids. With our dogs. With my messy house. I would also like to start some charity with something to do with helping pediatric oncology patients... Give back, teach my children and feel good about myself.
 I would also have dinner ready for my Husband at 5pm every night (you said in a perfect world) and have my kids all snuggled in their beds by 8:30pm so I could wind down with the love of my life over a glass of wine (or a bottle). In a perfect world, sigh.


3. Name one thing you do {or don't do} that the world may think strange of you.
I often find myself so deeply invested emotionally in tragic stories. I read them, then can't stop thinking about them. It consumes me. Makes me sad. It's like I almost try and think about "what would I do" if that was me. Debbie Downer anyone? I could spend hours watching CNN or Nancy Grace. Don't even get me started on Casey Anthony. 

Photo dump

There is no rhyme or reason to this. This is a photo dump from my iPhone. 

Ready? Ok.

Random photo #1

This is from Oktoberfest obviously. That kettle corn was to die for. Seriously. Since I am part German, it would only make sense that I have a natural talent for Hammerschlagen. I hope you all have played this before. We loved it. So much in fact, we are making our own for the cabin. Then we can play all summer long. I know you all want to come play!

Here is a photo of said game...pretty much get one "motion" to hit the nail in. Up, then down. With the opposite end of the hammer. Not easy. You can see all the marks from all the misses. Totally fun though.

Random Photo #2

Ella & Jack admiring the stash of candy Ella raked in Trick or Treating. Jack looks so proud! Ella's eyes look spoooky!

Random Photo #3

 These are the standouts we ordered, recently purchased from our family photo's we had taken in August. This photo is crap but, they look pretty sweet in our living room. That is a red couch and gray walls. Woot, woot! My 1 year old loves looking at himself too. He just keeps pointing at the pictures with his middle finger (pointed down, so no, not giving me the bird...yet.)

Random Photo #4

Grandma would say "Bless his heart". I love this photo. My little Frankenstein wouldn't let me take a picture with the hat on while he was awake, so I did what any other Mother would do. Ran for the camera and hat immediately after he fell asleep. Then I thought of how funny it would look if I put the candy bowl in his lap too. Priceless!

Disclaimer: Why is it so dang hard to get the right spacing on here. I promise I'm not an idiot. I just can't get it right to save my life right now. So I give up!

Jalapeno Popper Dip? Yes please.

You guys HAVE to make this dip. Seriously. For dinner even if you have to. I did.

The Best Jalapeno Popper Dip Ever

(makes 4 snack sized servings)

Ingredients:

1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese - room temperature

1/2 cup mayonnaise (I used light)

1/2 cup cheddar cheese (grated)

1/2 cup Parmesan cheese (shredded)

1 (4 ounce) can sliced Jalapeno's (pickled)

1/4 cup Panko Bread Crumbs

1/4 cup Parmesan cheese (shredded)

Directions:
1. Mix the cream cheese, mayo, cheddar cheese, 1/2 c. Parmesan cheese and jalapenos in a bowl.

2. Pour the mixture into a baking dish. (It doesn't "pour" as much as it splats or thumps.)

(Ok. SUPER bad lighting on this one. It's not green, I promise.)

3. In a separate small bowl, mix the Panko bread crumbs and 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese. (This is your topping!) Then sprinkle over the dip.

4. Bake in oven at 375F, until bubbling on the sides and golden brown on top. About 15-20 minutes. Serve with tortilla chips. ENJOY!

Seriously.